Being in love and love is not the same

Some say that you are looking for love when really just wants to be in love.

Are two similar words that mean different things? Being in love is that initial time when you count the minutes left to return to see the other person, do not stop wanting sex all the time and whenever you can, you seize every opportunity to do so, (ouch! If talk the kitchen table …). And love comes later.

This first stage is really cool and we must seize everything you can, without reaching obsessions in which you think without that other person does not Vives but must be seen as what it is: another phase within the couple.

In relationships there are several stages and that really work evolve from passion (infatuation) commitment (love). That is, moving from romantic love to a love of comrades who may be more durable over time than that was the beginning.


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In between there is a transition period that most couples cannot move because many see it as something catastrophic rather than a natural process.

It is a delicate moment because this transition starts when our love body (to the bars), reaches a point where you begin to stabilize and is not thinking about having sex around the clock. No matter the love they have for each other, no one can be in a state of infatuation forever, but that does not mean you stop loving couple.

Some people have the belief that a lasting relationship is what remains as passionate and active over time as the first day. This thinking causes a lot of pain because it is inevitable that the passion is reduced and the frequency of sex also.

Who, when it happens, see it as something bad is because they think being in love and love is the same. They believe that the only true love is that you have at the beginning of the relationship where passion is all that matters and that also has to be that way forever. But this drop in sexual desire happens to everyone. Why not think of it as an unsolvable problem, but as a natural part of the human being and, above all, that something can be done about it.

This decreased desire can happen at once or separately. In both cases, a very tense situation that the couple has to solve arises. This scenario can result in three ways:

  • The couple disappears.
  • The couple continues to give rise to an unhappy and full of grudges relationship.
  • It surpasses the couple together and ties are strengthened.

Interestingly I know more cases of the first two to the third. That’s because when it happens, live it as a catastrophe and think they no longer want your partner as much as before. It need not be true, despite lower desire love can be the same. But they not see it that way, to happen to get scared and think that the “spell” is over, when, in fact, from that point the relationship really begins. To stabilize your body you stop being so blind and you begin to discover your partner. So to speak, during the infatuation stage of the two they are so horny that they are not able to see other imperfections. But those things were there from the beginning, not only that they wanted to see.

That is why this transition, between romantic love to the fellow, it can be a very tense moment and a problem. So in terms, something will happen or yes appears, it is best to talk about it because it is a problem to be solved as a couple. Not wanting to see it as normal and silent is the worst thing you can do. When it is not clearly, it can arise that whoever has decreased desire tipping over your friends, family or children. On the other hand, the part most desire can get in an offensive posture and even cause a lot of emotional damage.

Are you telling me to tell my girl that no longer makes me just as long? You’re crazy?

You want me to tell my boyfriend I do not want to do it as much as before? Do you want me to sink the moral? Sure it’s a blip, I prefer to say nothing happens alone already.

You may also like to read another article on Tiffany-Hines: The three pillars of love

It is a difficult time, of course, but like everything have to have a little tact and approach it in a simple way. What has happened is that desire has diminished, not that you wish, and bear disgust. If you do not excite as much as it explains in detail what makes you fret. You have to work to keep it fun sex. Each has its own way to catch up and impossible to read our partner we thought.

On very rare that you can look what excites you, your partner know I think it’s more healthy and productive to wait one day to guess by trial and error, or worse, because the inspiration comes.

As you start to realize, throughout this transition, the things you do not like your partner is very normal to discuss than before. But we must never fall into disrespect. The basis of a healthy relationship is to share feelings, desires and revealing comment dislikes.

I know several people, with couples for years, who laugh at this, and think a realistic relationship is what they do as they have a problem: criticize the behavior of the other person, acting on the defensive, put all the responsibility on the other side and create distance. We are so used to having people who live their relationship for years, so that we find strange and crazy to think that I must say what one wants and does not want to let others know.

Just do not confuse with having a big discussion in which only you focus on everything that bothers you about your partner. That just poisons, creates distance and most likely is that the relationship does not go anywhere. This is discussed constructively. I said that we should not agree on everything, but the discussion should be understood as a way of showing your partner how you feel.

The easy solution is to focus on anger and resentment toward your partner to put all the responsibility that the relationship is not working. It is an option, and more used than it should, but not the only one. You can also accept that to escape the vicious circle of discussions have to start by changing your attitude, that itself is in your hand. As always, it is a decision each person.

Whatever happens, you should always let your partner know that you want, indifference can kill any relationship.

The only way to build lasting relationships is based on overcoming this transition from romance to companionship, creating a lasting love with enough sex will be less than in the previous stage.

We must accept that once the romantic infatuation stage ends sex decreases, but should not disappear. It is fundamental to the loving relationship of companionship. A couple without sex is not a partner. We must continue looking for moments of privacy and let you know each other what you like for sex to keep it fun and become an experience that strengthen your ties.

Which, incidentally, first retrieve the caresses and kisses help maintain a more lasting love without having sex with your partner.

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